Ever since I was a kid, there's only a single language that is being used to communicate between my parents and myself. This is mainly the reason why I can't converse in mandarin or cantonese... yet. Though I did have temporary tuition classes during my primary school years, it didn't really help much I must admit. I still believe that the one most effective way of mastering a language is to converse in it as frequent as possible, better still if one were to start young. And so, I could only speak in the commonly used language in Penang. The colourful language of Hokkien.

Now why is it colourful? It's because a certain combination of words using your imagination could result in a new phrase that may be hillarious and tickle your bone. A little mixture of words here and a few tweaks over there and *snaps finger* you have yourself a new phrase to insult your most hated teacher/lecturer/classmate. Of course there's a pile of vulgar words in this language too. Can't ignore its existence since any language around the world definitely has its own cursing words. You have to admit though, without the proper words how are you going to vent your anger? Unless you're willing to go behind bars by beating up someone who pissed you off, you should be glad that these foul languages are within your knowledge. Alright then, enough with the craps, now I wanna go through some widely used phrases in Hokkien that I've heard of in my entire life in my hometown.

Ah Beng - this unsophisticated Chinese boy, usually a Hokkien lang (person) prefers bright or neon coloured clothes complementary with moussed spiky hair. Also regarded as enthusiasts of handphone accessories. They just love to modify everything they have, don't you think so? They modify everything from their appearance to their cars to their cellphones.

Ah Lian - now comes the female equivalent of Ah Beng, this pet-name literally means lotus flower. Speaks with a typically loud voice, probably so as to let people around to notice their existence. Hardcore attention seekers (this includes ALL the ladies, but not as extreme as Ah Lians)

Bak Chew Tak Stamp - a hybrid of Hokkien and English, this simply translates as "eyes pasted over with stamp". A funny way of telling a person that he/she is blind to be stepping in a pile of shit in broad daylight.

Chap Cheng - it simply means "mixed kinds" or "ten kinds" in Hokkien. Quite an insulting way to refer to people of mixed racial backgrounds. Can be used in a foul mouthed argument as well. (e.g. Si chap cheng kia, lu siong ha mi? = Bastard, what are you staring at?)

Chao Kah - Hokkien for "smelly feet". Here it simply means a sore loser or a cheat.

Chiak Chow - literally translated as "eat grass". It is used to describe temporary poverty endured by a spendthrift.

Chui Kong Lum Pah Song - a Hokkien phrase that translates as "mouth talks, testicles feeling nice". It is used to describe someone who goes on about his own self just to please himself with no benefit to the people around whatsoever.

How Seow - a rude term that simply means "nonsense" or "bullshit". Like going around telling people that your grandfather was Batman is an absolute bullshit. Mang how seow la~

Pak Chew Cheng - literally translates as "hit the hand gun". An alternative phrase to masturbation.

Pang Puay Kee - it directly means "fly aeroplane" but it's commonly used to describe the feeling of being stood up (a person missing out on the appointment with you).

Too Lan - a rather rude Hokkien term to describe the feeling of disgruntled or extremely pissed off. (e.g. when you got Pang Puay Kee a little too often)

There are many more where those came from. This post is made for the purpose of a light-hearted sense of humour to the language speakers all around. Cheers~