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When choices failed me.
Tuesday, July 04, 2006

For my whole life, I've been in situations many times where I had to decide on important matters as far as I'm concerned. Some were made in a blind rush, that in the end brought me sickening consequences. I know that there were foolish mistakes I did in making choices in the past, but no point in regretting them now. At least I was clear about what and where I'm heading into. Probably this principle of mine is the reason why people who have difficulty in making choices get on my nerve.

Be it your working life or personal life, the opportunities to make important choices and decisions are hard to come by. But when it finally arrives right in front of you, can you still be complacent enough and just to simply reply "I don't know"? It's normal for human beings to take the easy way out, that I understand. I had my own share of such experience in the past, both in my study life and personal matters. The phrase "I don't know" is used as an excuse to avoid tense situations over and over again that I'm already used to it. In fact I'm quite sick of it as well. What many people don't realise is that easy answers like that only make the life of others hard. Same goes for people who give long answers but not a single effort is put to achieve something, even though it matters deeply for the person concerned. In the end the problem is left unsolved, both sides slowly vanish from one another. What was supposed to be achieved is now just a bitter memory shared by those involved.

When the moment was there to make a single important choice, I did my part hoping the other side would act swiftly to ease the situation. Although the answers I had were sometimes not the ones I long to hear, I still had to take it and stuff it down my throat. When it is the answer that you positively expect, it tends to bring a smile to your face. When it doesn't go exactly the way you would hope for, it is just painful to accept even if the choice has already been made firmly. I know exactly what it's like when my decision doesn't go the same way as the other. I have been in the receiving end of such situations, time and again. To be honest, what made it even more painful to accept is that the amount of effort I've put in to realise a dream just wasn't worth the answer given to me. I've made plans, been as creative as I could to create a content feeling between us. But during those times, it was not to be.

Those moments of making vital choices that concerns me fundamentally have always been something I hate to face. Partly due to heartbreaking consequences of choices I've made in the past. There were minor choices too but for one such as myself, I don't take it lightly though. Some people think that I have only a small circle of friends whom I often go out with. Week in and week out I see them a lot, probably even more than my own parents. What they don't know is that I am the one who chose to be with these few people, not because of the fun spots we usually go to, it's because I am comfortable with them. There are many people around me who I can admit them as my friends. But not all of them I would usually go to. There is no specific reason for me to act this way. I chose to be this way after all the time spent knowing each and everyone of you. And when that special person in my life appears and wonders why her and if my choice is final, I hope the answer can be seen within my deepest sincerity. Some questions are better left unsaid. Some answers are easier to find without asking. We may not realise it firsthand but when it matters the most, the answer is just right in front of us.


Yours Truly
the piggy one

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* Seeded in Penang
* 13/1/84
* Fluent in vulgar language
* Loves cheese cakes, shopping, chatting, chicks in bikinis.
* Supporter of Manchester United & Barcelona F.C
* Hates books, singing, drawing, camping
* A.k.a Ah Wei Koh

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