Has there ever been a time when you feel awkward while you're out with a bunch of people that you have just met? Or maybe hanging out with your usual group of buddies who have planned to do something you know you won't like? I know I've been in a situation whereby I had to reject some friends' invitation to an outing, most of the time it's because they're going to the karaoke and er.. I guess that's the only activity I despise that I could think of at the moment.

No, it's not that singing is a meaningless thing to do or a waste of time. All of us definitely have something or a few things that we don't really like. As far as I'm concerned, sticking a microphone to my mouth forcing me to sing will result in some unwanted bruises on you. Well, courtesy of my fists that is. Kidding, alright? But there are people who have pretty much insistence in them, you know? For those who aren't, thanks for understanding. Come to think of it, I don't recall why or what made me hate singing at the first place. During my years in primary school, the subjects that I hate the most are arts and of course, music lesson. I'm not good in drawings and paintings at all. Heck I don't even know how to wrap a gift in a proper way. When it comes to these two subjects, I'm a total failure.


I could still remember that feeling whenever I look at the schedule and music lesson is approaching. Feels like shit. It's not like I'm going to that class to listen to a bunch of dorks in a choir making a fool of themselves anyway. I hate the music class so much that I even hate that bitch music teacher. One thing I remember clearly is that one incident when the teacher was furious because apparently some students were not serious enough when rehearsing for a choir. She demanded that those who weren't serious about it to leave the hall immediately. There was total silence at first and then only a handful of students walked away from the group. I was one of them. And it felt so damn good to walk out on her class. It may seem rude to most people, but to be able to do that to the subject that you hate the most is simply PRICELESS. And the recorder (pic) used in that lesson? I didn't have a single clue on how to use that damn thing according to the book which shows you the notes and other sad patriotic songs. All those times I was only acting like I was blowing to the correct notes. Now I'm glad that failure to learn that dust collecting tool that time bears no significance whatsoever in our further studies and future undertakings. Well, for 99% of us anyway.

That was only a short musing concerning my apathy towards singing. Move along to the next matter. There have been many occasions where I just couldn't click with that particular person or group of people. No matter how hard I try to picture them in a more positive way, sometimes it's just difficult to keep up a conversation for more than an hour. Worse if it's only that usual single topic that interests that person. After you went through the gossips at your workplace or rumours from the football magz, there's nothing much left for you to crap on. This is what I meant when I said 'awkward'. Being the straightforward person that I usually am (which is the sad truth); I normally tell beforehand the reason why I won't be going to that outing. Hence I would usually hear out their plans first before deciding, but most of the time I would suggest whatever stuff to do just to avoid something that I would later refuse to attend to. Obviously not being self-centered here, just merely putting in my effort to avoid being a social misfit.

I'm certain that there are people who always have a tendency to ask you to change certain part of your characteristic. Usually for our own good, I suppose. I had some minor setbacks when I first stepped into the working life not long ago. Getting along with certain level of people wasn't exactly as easy as I had expected. Even more difficult for a person like me who speaks very little at times. Slowly I began to realize that no matter how excited or comfortable I pretend to be with those certain people, I'm only adapting to the norms that have been there since god knows when. That's when your old friends come to mind, while you're wondering at the same time why are you pretending to be all hyped up with some people whom you've just got to know of recently. Just one word - socialization. Perhaps I'm a laid back type of person. Or you can say that I'm just ignorant. I studied the subject 'change management' before, yet I don't seem to advocate the change in personality. Maybe I don't see the reward; maybe I don't see the big picture as of now.

Truth is, I hate being someone that I'm not. Changing one's self to adapt is optional, developing your stance is inevitable, as far as attempts to fit into society is concerned.