Got off from work early today. It was only a few minutes past 5 p.m. There I was, sitting alone at a Starbucks Cafe with only my mp3 player accompanying me. Kicked back and relax in the air-conditioned environment. I hit on my music player and listened to Citizen Cope's "Holdin' On" as I sipped on my cup of thick and hot mocha. A beautiful song recommended by a beautiful person. You know who you are. *winks* Thank you :-)

Sitting there alone and watched the people around me. Each of them has their own stuff to do. Some talking nonchalantly in groups, some seemed to be business people discussing and negotiating. Then there were those chatting and surfing online with their notebooks. I was puzzled about myself. I actually sat there looking around and noticing people, instead of just aiming for the good looking ladies. Probably I'm still in need to be alone for a while. Some time for myself. Looking through the glass window and towards the gaping sea, my mind started wandering off. Had a blank expression on my face, still thinking about certain things that I just can't seem to avoid. I don't think I'm destined to be a loner. But somehow, once in a while there's a need within me to be left alone. It's not that someone has upset as well as offended me, be that person close to me or not. I am absolutely sure I don't have any with anyone at the moment, because the problem is within me.

As I held the warm cup in my hand staring at the froth of my mocha, questions began to flood my mind. What is it that incurred this urge to be alone? Am I tired of this place and the people around me? I have a good family and feeling comfortable with my job. I get along with the people at the workplace really well. I have to admit that I'm being treated really well there. So, work is really not the main issue that has put me into deep thoughts lately. Am I desperately in need of a change in environment? So desperate that I just want to get out of town and leave my family back home? It's not to say that I'm tired of looking at them. That would be a foolish thought to even have at the first place. After all, my family is always at the top of my priority list.

I guess I can't remain in my hometown for far too long. That urge to break away from things that are routine to me will surface again from time to time. Till then, I might have to leave this home of mine for a while before I upset anyone unintentionally. In any given calendar year, I only get to meet certain relatives of mine maybe about once or twice. I would be glad to meet them more often than that if it's possible. To be honest, I really do miss them. Miss that "the more, the merrier" feeling with them. That feeling that I usually get during the past Chinese New Year celebrations with them. I guess that's the "kid" within me that has still remained inside until today. I do miss them but, to the extent that I'm so eager to leave town? I can't deny that each of us has grown a lot and occupied with our own things. I am afraid of the days when we no longer gather willingly like we used to, perhaps?

Possibly that's one of the cause that is driving me out of this place. To see those faces that I hardly get to see, is something that makes me look forward to now that I don't always have time for a holiday. As I took another sip from my cup of mocha, I inhaled that smooth aroma from the froth of my coffee. Not sure if this is the tenth time that song is being played in my ears. Can't seem to feel bored with it, too. I guess I must've played the song more than that. Flipped on my phone and looked at the time. Power was running low as I looked at my music player. Guess it's almost time to leave the cafe and head back home. Took one last sip and got off from my seat. Walking towards the exit and slowly walking out of the place, those questions are still clouding my mind. Took a breath deeply and tried not to think too long. The most ironic thing about me right now is that people seem to tell me that I could describe things very well. But with all the words I could dig up from the vocabulary in my head, I just couldn't describe my own feelings now. Give me a picture, give me a song. Maybe a movie. I could describe those and anything around me. I just can't describe myself, every word that crosses my mind seem to be wrong.

I guess I'll just leave it blank, until the day I could find the best word to fill in this puzzle........